From the outside looking in..........

It seems for most of my adult life, my eating has been on a roller coaster ride. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and I have tried just about every diet/fad there was with no success. It wasn't until last year that I discovered I am an emotional eater. For many reasons, I cover the problem up with food. Has it worked for me? Absolutely NOT!!!! I am just as fat today as I was last year, two years ago, three years ago..............

What has been positive, I have worked with a therapist to help take control over my eating and become more aware of what I am putting in my mouth. Is that working? Not exactly. I have allowed my home situation to control my eating and I have realized how out of control I am. I literally want to lock myself in the closet and eat till I puke. Not the healthiest or smartest way to deal with my problem. So, now I have hit rock bottom so to speak. I have realized things are unraveling around me and I am doing nothing to fix it. Time to make a change.

With all the wonderful resources I have, I still don't understand just exactly why cant I make it click in my thick head. Am I afraid of failure? Possibly. I have been successful at everything I have done and wanted in life EXCEPT for being THIN. I have made a promise to myself and my son, I will no longer let food control my life. I AM OUT OF CONTROL.

Whats it going to take? Me putting on some God awful spandex biking shorts and a sports bra, taking a picture and posting it on here? That just might do the trick, but I am afraid that one of my smelly 7th graders might stumble across it and harass me in class. I plan on waking up in the morning and weighing myself, taking measurements, pictures, creating a food menu, going to the store and getting my life back on track.

I am also going to do something for myself DAILY. I am too focused on my family and don't spend enough time focusing on myself. All of thats about to change.

Its going to be an uphill climb, but I am willing to take it.

SWL

When all else fails.....PRAY!!!!!!!

This week just hasn't been the best! It started off with my battery dying on my car Saturday. Two hours and $100 later, my car was not sick anymore. I made it to Henry Horton State Park for my work retreat on Sunday and came home on Tuesday. As soon as I arrived in Nashville, I headed to my OBGYN apt. Nothing like being on that table with a doctor all up in your business. :)

Yesterday was my big day at school. I got a call late Sunday afternoon letting me know that my interview for the doctoral program had been changed to Wednesday rather than today. Interview went well and I should know something in a few weeks. If its meant to be, all will work out.

Tuesday hubbs mentioned to me that his air in his car was acting funny. I told him that it sounds like his air was going out. He didn't listen to me and I got the most God awful news yesterday....his air went out. Ggggrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! Did I mention it went out on the HOTTEST day of the year, on the interstate in rush hour traffic and had Owen with him. After calling our mechanic, he seems to think that his compressor blew up. What does that potentially mean? It could cost us as much as $3,000. I could have just sat right down in the middle of the floor and cried! We should know more this weekend.

Please say a prayer to the higher powers that it isnt that and cost me less than $1,000.

Toodles,

Goodbye TN, Hello Mountains

I packed up all my bags on Thursday and headed for beautiful Spruce Pine, NC to see the bestie. You would have thought I was going to get snowed in for the winter with all the crap I brought. I even brought ALL of my OPI nail polish. If you don't know me, you wouldn't know that I am completely obsessed with OPI nail polish. So, I loaded up the Civic, grabbed my ipod, and headed up 40 for my 5 hour journey.

The drive wasn't as bad as I had expected. I have never driven anywhere more than 45 miles by myself and I knew this was going to be a challenge! However, I had my ipod loaded with all my favorite songs and it would get me through the rough patches in my drive. Once I passed through Knoxville, the drive got a little scary. It was mainly once I crossed over into NC that I started to white knuckle it. There were several points that I was afraid I going to run off a mountain or hit another car because the roads were so narrow. Once I got off the interstate and headed to ML's house, that's when the cell phone service started cutting out. Luckily, my GPS on my phone guided me right to my bestie that was waiting outside on the driveway.

Once I arrived, I had a brief moment to relax and then it was off to see Peyton at the Parkway Playhouse where he is a monkey in Seussical. It was my first time seeing it and I was blown away. It was absolutely AMAZING and Peyton has been blessed with a wonderful talent...acting, dancing and singing! I am a jealous girl because I don't have any of those talents!!!



I knew while I was here I was going to need to paint my nails and toes. Me being the most indecisive person I know, I knew I wasn't going to be able to pick my color out. Once I got here, I picked out You're a Pisa Work. It is a summer color and I managed to add white polka dots on my toes. They are really cute, really girlie and really ME!



Today we didnt do a whole lot, but did get out and see the town and visit where ML works. As we were passing through, she abruptly stops and says "get out, you have to have your picture made"! I didn't know what to expect, but I wasn't expecting much since we were in the mountains. It wasn't until I saw the wall that had a painted mural of the Wizard of Oz!!!!! I was in heaven for about 5 minutes and the picture was just amazing!!! I am glad she thought enough of me to take me there and take my picture.





It has been a relaxing two days and I still have three more to go!!! I do miss my little Monkey, but was able to see him tonight via Skype. There wasn't a whole lot of talking going on...more of him pointing a gun at the camera and doing "magic tricks". I thank GOD everyday for giving me the best gift I have every received!!!!

Off to catch up on some much needed sleep....

Reason number 9,990,123,456,432,654

How many darn reasons do I need to get healthy? Aparently 9,990,123,456,432,654!!!! It has been so surprise to me that my weight has been on the rise, just like the temperatures here in TN, but I have been in a state of denial! That's until I went to my ENT and had him confirm I have sleep apnea!! So, not only does being fat, eating not healthy,& not exercising impacts your physical appearence, it also makes you stop breathing. Was I shocked? Not really, but was kind of hoping that my weight had nothing to do with it. I was soooooooo wrong!!! Now, I have a fire under my ass or should I say oxtgen blowing in my face to get this weight off. Mentally I am there, but I am not sure I am 100% there. However, I dont really have much of a choice.

According to the ENT, I stop breathing several times and I wake up more than the average person. This would explain my energy level being in the dirt and always wanting to sleep. I am going to be placed on a machine (like a cpap)for the next three months to monitor and collect data and I will return in three months. When I go back for my follow-up visit, I would like to be 30lbs less. Is that possible, I think so!

When do I plan on making this change? Dinner!!!! I am making blackbean burgers and a salad. NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reguardless if it is 110* outside, I WILL get out tonight and exercise!!!

Going full speed ahead.....

I have been a lazy ass all summer and I figured I needed to stop being so lazy and finally do something! I only have three more weeks of being off work and then it's back to the classroom I go. I am taking on another challenge this year...I am going back to school to get my Ed.D. Call me crazy, stupid, insane or whatever you like, but I have longed to be called Dr. Lankford. I am sure it will take me some 4-5 years, but I am determined to get it finished. With being a teacher, wife and mother, I can only hope to complete it in the next five years. Along with my professional adjustments, I am also going to finally focus on {M}{E}!!!!

Since I am going to go full speed ahead, I thought it would be appropriate for me to write down what goals I would like to accomplish over the next few years. These are in no particular order...

1. Complete the Couch to 5k by the end of October

2. Train for the Country Music Half Marathon

3. Go full vegan

4. Pass my administrative test and possibly work towards being an assistant principal.

5. Once I have lost 100lbs, I am going reward myself with this Louis Vuitton. I have wanted this one for a long time and I figure I could reward myself with it if I work hard.

6. When I hit the 50lb weightloss mark, I am going to buy these smokin' hot Tiffany & Co sunglasses.

I am sure there are other things that I want to accomplish, but my brain is dead!!! When I think of them, I will add them. However, this is a great start and I am going to run with it.

This week is going to be a busy one. Tomorrow I have to go to the store to get food for this week and I am going to stick to my new plan!!! My house is clean, laundry is washed (not folded) and everything is in order. So, I am going to organize things in the cabinets and start getting things ready to visit my BFF in NC. I am hoping being with her for 5 days will be the boost I need to make it through another school year.

Until tomorrow,

Stephanie

Doing a little leaning....

After years of eating meat, drinking gallons of milk and eating a lot of animal products, I am currently making the lean back to a plant based lifestyle. It is going to be much harder than before, now I am married and have a child. However, I know a change needs to be made and the time has come!!!!! When I was a vegan, more than 8 years ago, it was much harder than it is now. With the help of Twitter, I can find the support I need from other vegans that are willing to share yummy recipes.

Last night I decided I was going to try a new recipe that I found on Twitter from Mama Pea and it is AMAZING. When I first saw the tweet called zucchini quinoa lasagna I immediately wanted some. How could you go wrong with the three things I love...zucchini, quinoa and spaghetti sauce? You cant!!!! Most of the ingredients I currently have at home and I only had to get one fresh herb.

Zucchini Quinoa Lasagna
Serves 4-6


•2 large zucchini, cut into 12 thin, 1/4 in. thick slices
•salt
•1 c. quinoa, rinsed
•2 c. vegetable broth
•1/2 c. tomato sauce
•1/4 c. minced onion
•1 t. dried oregano
•1/4 c. fresh basil, chopped
•1/4 c. fresh parsley, chopped
•2 T. organic or non-dairy cream cheese, i.e. Tofutti Better Than Cream Cheese (optional)
•salt and pepper to taste
•1 jar organic marinara sauce
•1/2 c. organic or non-dairy cheese, i.e. Daiya (optional)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400.

2. To prepare zucchini, cut a strip off of one side to make a flat base.

3. Then, thinly slice zucchini into “noodles.” You’ll want 12 noodles in total.

4. Place noodles in a colander and sprinkle with salt, layering between paper towels.

5. Let this sit and absorb moisture while preparing the quinoa.

6. Combine quinoa, vegetable broth, tomato sauce, onion and oregano in a large saucepan and bring to a boil.

7. Cover and lower heat, simmering for 20 minutes. When quinoa has absorbed all the liquid, fold in cream cheese and herbs.



8. Add salt and pepper to taste, and try not to eat the whole pot.



9. Pour enough of marinara in the bottom of an 8×8 baking dish to cover the bottom. Using a clean dry towel, blot remaining moisture and salt from zucchini and layer 4 noodles across the sauce.

10. Put a layer of quinoa across the zucchini,and cover with another 1/3 c. of marinara sauce.

11. Repeat with another layer of quinoa, sauce and zucchini.

12. Top the final layer of zucchini with remaining sauce and 1/2 c. of cheese, if using.

13. Bake lasagna for 30 minutes, until heated through and zucchini is tender.





*Directions came straight from Mama Peas site*

This is my new favorite meal! I plan on making it a couple of times a month and putting the leftovers in the freezer and taking some for lunch with a side salad. If you are wondering if hubbs and Owen ate this....think again!!!!! It didn't really matter to me, I am happy to indulge it in all by myself. :)

If you are thinking my blog looks a little frumpy, its because it is currently getting a makeover. I am really excited to see the finish product, but I'm even more excited to document my journey.

Stephanie