It seems for most of my adult life, my eating has been on a roller coaster ride. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and I have tried just about every diet/fad there was with no success. It wasn't until last year that I discovered I am an emotional eater. For many reasons, I cover the problem up with food. Has it worked for me? Absolutely NOT!!!! I am just as fat today as I was last year, two years ago, three years ago..............
What has been positive, I have worked with a therapist to help take control over my eating and become more aware of what I am putting in my mouth. Is that working? Not exactly. I have allowed my home situation to control my eating and I have realized how out of control I am. I literally want to lock myself in the closet and eat till I puke. Not the healthiest or smartest way to deal with my problem. So, now I have hit rock bottom so to speak. I have realized things are unraveling around me and I am doing nothing to fix it. Time to make a change.
With all the wonderful resources I have, I still don't understand just exactly why cant I make it click in my thick head. Am I afraid of failure? Possibly. I have been successful at everything I have done and wanted in life EXCEPT for being THIN. I have made a promise to myself and my son, I will no longer let food control my life. I AM OUT OF CONTROL.
Whats it going to take? Me putting on some God awful spandex biking shorts and a sports bra, taking a picture and posting it on here? That just might do the trick, but I am afraid that one of my smelly 7th graders might stumble across it and harass me in class. I plan on waking up in the morning and weighing myself, taking measurements, pictures, creating a food menu, going to the store and getting my life back on track.
I am also going to do something for myself DAILY. I am too focused on my family and don't spend enough time focusing on myself. All of thats about to change.
Its going to be an uphill climb, but I am willing to take it.
SWL
Friday, January 18, 2013
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